I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
