Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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