i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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