Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she woke up with a sticky ear
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
