Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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