oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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