there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You are a genius and a whore.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
