yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
