what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
