Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
