He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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