did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
