onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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