i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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