just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
