I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
