Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there's paper in my vomit.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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