I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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