Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
