Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize