i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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