Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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