oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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