i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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