Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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