I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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