What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it's like iHOP with fire
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
