Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
