I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just found puke in my bra..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
