what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize