So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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