i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize