i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize