At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
