Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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