How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
