She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
