I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
