The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
