Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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