are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My life is pants optional.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
