It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
soo... how was my night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
