saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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