When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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