I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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