we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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