I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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