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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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