I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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