somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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