I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
