i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
