This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
