Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
