omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
