I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize