It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i think my cat just said my name.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
