the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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