3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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