woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
