I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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