It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
