He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
