u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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