what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
