I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
